"Even If"

Songs tend to really touch me.  It's funny ....  I'll be jamming out to a song in my car, singing way off key, and then the next moment it will be a song sometimes that I've heard several times or a new one that the words just seem to jump out where I am reading them just like a piece of paper. 

The song today was "Even If" by Kutless.  I think it's one of their newer songs.  The first verse and chorus read:

"Sometimes all we have to hold on to

Is what we know is true of who You are

So, when the heartache hits like a hurricane

That could never change who You are

And we trust in who You are

 

Even if the healing doesn't come

And life falls apart

And dreams are still undone

You are God, You are good

Forever Faithful One

Even if the healing,

Even if the healing doesn't come."

 

I immediately thought of the patient whom I am going to donate bone marrow for, in just a couple of weeks.  Now that everything is drawing closer, I am starting to think more about it and I'll admit I'm getting nervous.  Not about the shots, procedure, or recovery, but with how the patient will recover and how her body will accept the bone marrow.  What if her body accepts it and she is healthy and active again?  What if her body doesn't accept it?  And then the dreaded question that comes out...what if she dies?

 

I know I shouldn't think about that but it just seems to come out at certain times.  It is also something my donor center representative has told me is a possibility.  I have prayed about this for a long time and I know that God is in control.  Its just always hard when you are faced with something like that, something so emotionally tugging.  I still think so much about Pop through all of this.  I wish more and more everyday that he was still here with me.  So many times throughout my days I will think to myself, "I need to call and tell Pop, he would be so impressed."  But I can't.  I still think when I call their house, he will answer and quickly throw Neno the phone!  A normal occurrence. 

 

I'm sure we all have those loved ones that we can envision this with.  Life sometimes just doesn't seem fair.  But in it, and through it all I know that God has a plan for our lives.  I think back through the years and look at my life.  I didn't always make the best choices, I didn't always have the name brand items, I didn't always have the best of health, I lost people close to me, friends moved away, I moved away, but God stayed the same.  He stayed with me and has given me grace to keep putting one foot in front of the other.  Little did I know in 2007 as I was suffering from a collapsed lung, something that should have killed me, that God knew I would be the bone marrow match this young woman would need in 2012. 

 

"Lord, we know Your ways are not our ways

So, we set our faith in who You are

Even though You reign high above us

You tenderly love us

We know Your heart

And we rest in who You are

 

You're still the Great and Mighty One

We trust you always

You're working all things for our good

So, we'll sing Your praise

Even if the healing doesn't come."