Here’s to the Mothers…

With Mother’s Day approaching, I want to say how grateful I am to my mother, my mother-in-law, my grandmother, my close friends, and all the wonderful ladies in my life who have made a difference in my life.  It may sound cliché, but the difference is for the good, and I am forever grateful.  The influence is something I will always be thankful for.  Even though I may not always agree with the ladies in my life, I know they are there to uplift me and hold my best interest at heart.  God’s gift to me for sure.

I also want to extend a big heartfelt hug to those who are missing their Mom’s or grandmothers, those who are grieving because they didn’t have a loving mother, and those devastated because they lost a baby too soon or have big dreams of one day being a mother and those dreams have yet to come true.  If you are in need of a hug right now, I got you.  Here’s an air hug; a virtual bundle of love for you.  We all need a pick me up sometimes.  

Ben and I lost a baby a few months ago.  It was a miracle we got pregnant and then realizing you aren’t going to have a real-life baby to hold and nurture, stings.  It’s a weird emotional/mental thing that you go through.  If you’re walking the same journey, or you have before, you know the feeling.  

I believe the blessing is found in the midst of the pain though.  Opening up to tell our stories allows for us to learn from others, be nurtured by others, and for growth to occur.  I have no doubt God is still with us.  Even though it hurts, we don’t have a sweet baby still growing inside, I know God is still God.  There is something good that will come of it.  I’m realizing that His plans (as we all know) are far better than mine, and just when I least expect it there will be a miracle in front of me.  It may not be the way I intended, but it will be perfect because it is what God intended all along.

I hope that is encouraging for you today, wherever you are preparing for Mother’s Day.  You may not be a biological mother to someone, but you can still be an influence in someone’s life.  You may be grieving a loss and even then you can be a light in someone’s dark world - in the grocery store, at your workplace, driving down the road even.  I mean come on, we all know those people who may pull out in front of us or drive too slow in the left lane.  We all need Jesus-love every day.

In the waiting, in the hoping, in the meantime – enjoy being.  Enjoy being thankful for your closest relationships.  Enjoy your mother and grandmother if you still can.  Enjoy being an Auntie if you can.  Enjoy mentoring other girls if you can.  My nieces and nephews are some of the biggest blessings in my life and I’m so honored to love on them - we especially love spoiling them but don’t tell their parents!  Be grateful for every day, every moment, and every opportunity you have to love someone.  You will never know just how much it may mean to them, and just how much they may need the love of Jesus in their life.

Happy Mother’s Day to All! :)

You are Enough

What was your life like one year ago?  What were your dreams?  What were your goals?  Think about it for a minute.  I had this challenge the other night when I was journaling.  It got me thinking so I had to share.  

At the time I am writing this, one year ago COVID had shut almost everything down.  Life as we knew it was completely altered.  Jobs changed, businesses closed, family gatherings halted, and  even gathering at the church building changed.  I know my own anxiety flew through the roof.  Am I being careful?  Is someone going to get sick because of me?  What are we supposed to do?  How am I ever going to get my work done?  Talk about an anxiety-sufferers worst nightmare.  I feel you guys. 

One year later, I find myself stronger.  No doubt anxiety is still here.  It creeps its ugly head in my life from time to time; however, I feel that I am growing into a stronger woman of God.  I’m learning to feel anxiety at it’s earliest beginnings so that I can get it under control quicker, before it gets out of hand.

For me it’s learning my triggers.  I won’t go into detail about them because they are my own.  But I challenge you to spend time thinking about what causes you to feel unsettled.  Is there something that makes it difficult for you to concentrate?  Do you struggle with tasks that used to not be difficult? 

I’m not minimizing your efforts at combating anxiety.  Everyone has their own method and I am always up for hearing what works for other people.  But also realize – even though you may hear what works for someone else, do not beat yourself up or give yourself unrealistic expectations for overcoming anxiety or fear or whatever you’re facing.  You do you friend.  I do me - and to be honest, most days it is all I can handle.  

We were never meant to manage other people.  Even if you’re married you are not meant to manage or control your spouse.  Not your parents, your friends, your siblings, your best friends – no one.  You are only responsible for yourself.  In a world that is constantly trying to coax us into having the perfect life, the perfect skin, hair, body, car, home, etc. God sees you just as you are.

God knew you before you were you.  If that seems a bit much to some of you, hang in there with me.  In God’s eyes, you are perfect.  You are loved.  You are cherished.  He doesn’t require anything from you, other than being completely in love with Him.  That may sound weird, but He wants us to love Him.  He desires to spend time with you.  He wants to be Your Father.

No mistake, no circumstance, no flaw you see in yourself will turn God away.  Until you realize this and take hold of who you are in God’s eyes, will you never become content in who you are as a son or daughter of God.  One simple task that I’ve chosen to do, started several months ago.  I was challenged after a sermon by Louie Giglio one Sunday, so I cannot take the credit for this myself.  Every morning when I get to work, I take out my to-do list and write down four words in the top left-hand corner.  I see these words throughout the day.  No matter what creeps up, I can re-read these words and remember my purpose.  It has helped me. [LOVED. CALLED. CHOSEN. EQUIPPED.]. It may seem silly, but for me it has been a big deal. 

                                                   

     I am loved by God.

       I am called to this moment, right here, right now.

                I am chosen as a daughter of God.

                      I am equipped for whatever tasks come up today. 

You, my friend, are enough to Him.  Just as you are right now.  Curled up under a blanket on the couch after a long day.  Sitting in the waiting room of a critical appointment.  Waiting for the verdict to be announced.  Leaving the funeral home after seeing your loved one for the last time.  You are enough.  Lean into His arms today.  You are enough. You are already chosen.  You will never be more loved than you are right now.  Take a listen to one of my favorite songs – I’m sure it will lift your spirits.  Hang in there friends.    

Jireh, You are enough
Jireh, You are enough
I will be content in every circumstance
Jireh, You are enough

He's forever enough
Always enough
Always more than enough
He is, He is
Forever enough
Always enough
More than enough

I'm already loved
I'm already chosen
I know who I am
I know what You've spoken
I'm already loved
More than I could imagine
And that is enough

 

For Everything in Between

"Time is like a river.  You can never touch the same water twice, because the flow that has passed will never pass again." 

Time is passing and I failed to realize just how difficult life can be.  In 4 weeks, or 31 days, life managed to get a hold of our family.  The precious reminder of how fragile life is, of just how short life can truly be.  My grandmother, sweet Neno, went to Heaven on July 25th.  My Dad made his journey to Heaven on August 26th.  Words cannot describe how hard the past few weeks have been.

No one asks for difficulty.  No one asks for grief.  No one asks for pain.  I wonder though in my feeble mind, "how can this be good?"  Don't be hard on yourself if you've asked the same thing or something similar.  If I have learned one thing through this difficult season, it's that life is a gift.  Each and every breath that we take is something beautiful. 

When our family found out a few months ago that Neno had multiple masses on her liver, decisions were made to promote her comfort instead of many painful procedures with no optimal outcome.  Neno lived life with grace.  She always had a smile on her face, even when she encountered so much pain and discomfort as she approached the end of her life.  Life was a blessing to her.  She cherished every moment and enjoyed the small things - sitting outside, listening to Elvis, rubbing her cat (that was only nice to her), ice cream, and of course, being retired.

As I start to look back, I realized a similar thing with my Dad.  He was diagnosed with ALS/Lou Gehrig's Disease on February 1, 2018.  He was initially told he probably had between 3-5 years remaining, but had probably already been living with the disease for at least a year or two.  My Dad chose that day to live out his life, doing the things he enjoyed, and to get a chance to say good-bye.  I don't think it was morbid, but a way for him to reach closure with his disease and let those around him know how much he cherished them.  Like Neno, Dad enjoyed the small things - watching movies in the middle of the night with his mother, football games, friends visiting, pound cake, and something as simple as a warm towel wrapped around his feet at bedtime. 

I'm beginning to see just how much the small things can mean.  Time with family, nature, self-care, animals, art.  God is in all of that.  Grief is weird.  It ebbs and flows like waves on the ocean.  At one point, you are good, one point you are low.  It's a process that is unique to each person on the journey.  If you're reading this you probably knew my Dad or my grandmother, Neno.  Please know you were loved by them.  Trust the process and know that all things will be worked for good.  This chapter in your story will be one you navigate through, much like others before. 

Be kind to yourself.  In our weakest moments, we can be the most hard on ourselves.  Learn to love yourself.  Trust that God is guiding your life.  He doesn't abandon even when the pain feels oh so immense.  We will be okay.  Time will bring healing.  I know that one day all of this will be made right.  At the end of the day, God is still good.  For now, I will be grateful for the small things, the big things, and everything in between. 

"And this will be my song

That You are always good

I'll sing it all day long

That You are always good

And when the day is through, I am left with

You are always, You are always good."

"Always Good" - The McClures

Look Up Child

If we are honest, I’m sure that many of us can say there are times we feel defeated by the day to day events in our lives.  From sickness, to troubled homes, to financial hardships, to loss and everything big and small in between, life gets hard.

Music has always been important to me.  I’m thankful that my family invested so much so I could learn the value of music growing up as now, twenty years later, I still enjoy creating music.  But even more than that, I am amazed at how God is so real in it.  I want to take you through the lyrics of a new song I heard, and pray it blesses you like it has me.

Have you ever found yourself questioning God?  He doesn’t come through in a way you feel He should?  Life seems to be crashing around you? Nothing seems to be going right? It’s okay, I have too.

“Where are you now

When darkness seems to win

Where are you now

When the world is crumbling

Where are you now 

When I can’t figure it out.”

As many of you know, my Dad was diagnosed with ALS in February of this year.  As a family we are talking about the hard things that honestly in February I didn’t think we would be talking about yet.  But then again no one thinks about those hard conversations, usually, until they have some reason to do it.  I’ve watched my Dad like many of you, go from being independent in every way to requiring help for the small things.  There are days where it seems like the more he tries, the harder something so simple has become.  I am reminded of his struggles each time I button my own pants, I brush my own teeth, I prepare my own dinner, I drive my own car, and each time I get in and out of my own bed to name a few.  Things that seem so small and that often don’t require a lot of thinking, I take for granted.  And any person who is facing a chronic or terminal illness could easily agree, it’s the simple things that bother you the most and that’s what I see with my Dad. 

I’m reminded though that anything we face has the power to rob of us our joy.  Of our hope.  Of our love.  It’s up to us how we will respond.  I’m reminded just how much God is near and how He hasn’t drifted no matter how much my heart hurts from watching my Dad hurt.  I’ve seen my grandmother recover from a fall and be blessed by new friends in her new community.  She’s truly embracing life with every breath and it’s been such an encouragement through this difficult season.  How much we ache from a certain circumstance or situation in life is not a reflection of how we are valued by God.  We are His children.  We are loved.  We are enough.

“You’re not threatened by the war

You’re not shaken by the storm

I know You’re in control

Even in our suffering 

Even when it can’t be seen

I know you’re in control.”

God isn’t afraid of what most scares me because He’s already there.  And He’s already there for you too.  You’re not too far gone.  You are loved more than you could ever know.  See the good in today.  You may not be walking through pain right now, but you probably have at some point in your life.  Be thankful for every moment.  See each trying circumstance as an opportunity for good.  I’m thankful for the lessons I am learning through this tough season.  The people I have been meeting, the conversations I have had, the blessings friends have been providing the little things, and most of all for God’s voice in it all.  Just like me, He wants us to stop and remember He’s right here.  He’s right there with you.  Don’t lose hope when life is tough.  Just “look up, child.”

“Look Up Child” Lauren Daigle

Friday Night Football and a Reason to be Thankful

This past weekend was one for the books. On Friday, August 24, 2018 my Dad was able to call another football game for GW Danville with his radio crew, Chuck and Clarke.  Dad has called 300+ football games in his career and after his diagnosis of ALS/Lou-Gehrig's Disease in February, Dad wanted to make sure he was able to call another game with his friends.  What we did not realize was that the City of Danville would present him with a proclamation for his 30 years of service and that he would be honored with the game ball.  What a special time.  It was an honor to see so many folks come offer him well wishes and congratulations.  It was special to see him so happy.  His friends went above and beyond to make it a night that many of us will remember forever.

ALS is tough.  It has been slowly robbing my Dad of the small things - changing clothes, showering quickly, getting up and down and around the house, and simply going to the bathroom.  He now has to have assistance from friends and family and use equipment to safely maneuver and even then it can be difficult.  It is unbelievable just how much we take for granted.  To see the pain and anxiety my Dad has had to conquer, has been difficult.  But it's like his friend Chuck said during their broadcast Friday night, "You're not dealing with ALS, ALS is dealing with you my friend."  If you'd like to hear a bit about his fight with ALS in his own words, click the link below (Link provided by CVip Media Solutions). 

http://gwfootball.com/don%20halftime.mp3

In the midst of watching my Dad fight this terminal condition, I am constantly reminded just how brief this life is.  I am thankful that while we are living on this side of eternity there is pain and sorrow, but on the other side it will be wonderful and there will be no pain or hurt or illness of any kind.  It gives me hope when life doesn't look hopeful.  I know so many people who are walking through pain of many kinds right now - unexpected illnesses, accidents, addictions, divorce, loss, and grief of so many kinds.  I am reminded of something so special one of my hospice patients shared with me - "God can do anything but fail."  And isn't she SO right!  Our God is bigger than any of the pain or suffering we may face.  He's not trying to punish me when my life is difficult, He is offering me an opportunity to advance His Kingdom.  With every breath we have a chance to choose how we are going to see any situation - half full, or half empty.  Choose to overcome negativity.  See the good in everything, even if it's something small.  Choose to be thankful.  Live fearless.  Choose joy.  

Be encouraged friends.  I heard this song today in the midst of challenges and I knew God was near.  God can use anything or anyone to reach us when we most need it.  Don't miss looking for those moments.  They are truly all around us.  The song is called "This Life" by The Afters.  

For a moment, we are here together. 
And it hits me that this won't last forever.

We can't own it

We just get to hold it for a while.
This Life.
We can't keep it
Or save it for another time.
This Life.

What we give is all we have.
How we love is what will last.
And this hope we know will carry us through this life.

We were never meant to stay, so we don't have to be afraid of what is waiting on the other side of this life.

Hope in Christ will truly carry us through this life.  The ups, the downs, the joys, the sorrows.  All are seen and felt by our Creator.  We are cared for and loved so much more than we could fathom.  We are not alone, no matter how alone we may feel in ourselves.  Choose to believe in God through Christ Jesus.  Allow him to set you free from anything that may be holding you back.  Don't live this life without the promise of eternity.  I'm thankful this is not all there is.  One day all the wrongs will be made right.  One day there will be no tears.  One day there will be no ALS.  Until then, we keep fighting friends.  Each breath is a gift. 

Thank you to everyone who is loving on my Dad/Don, and our family throughout this time.  You are each so special and we are loved and honored to have you with us on this journey.

Photo Credit:  Emily Kathryn Photography/Emily Walker

What It Means to Live

What does it mean to live? 

As believers in Christ, we live with a hope that eternity with him in Heaven is coming.  Not thinking of death in a weird or bizarre way, but living with the knowledge and faith that this life is not all there is.  That there is life after death. 

Philippians 1:21 is one of my favorite verses and it reads - For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain (NIV). 

There is a reason to live.  There is a reason to love.  There is a reason to keep on keeping on.

I couldn't help but think about that verse as I watched two lifeguards help my Dad down onto the beach a few weeks ago.  We had planned a trip with my grandparents to Tampa/Clearwater Beach, FL.  Their act of kindness was a gift from God and definitely a miracle for me.  After just having surgery and dealing with some post-operative complications, I didn't think I would be able to make my Dad's dream of being back in the Gulf of Mexico possible.  But this is why I believe.  Because God already had it covered.  God provided my Dad and myself and our cousin Susan, with such an amazing opportunity.  They picked Dad up curbside (and if you've been down on the strip at Clearwater Beach Pier you know it's ALWAYS busy), and took us in an ATV down to the water.  The police even stopped traffic for Susan to make an illegal u-turn.  They then helped him walk out to the water.  I was so amazed at their generosity and as I was telling Ben, it was like everything was silenced around me.  You beach fans know that the beach is normally loud from the breeze, the water crashing around you, and the people.  Not at that moment though.  It was perfect.  Truly one of the most special moments for us.  It was one of those moments for me, in which I was reminded that I am not alone.  A reason to live.  A reason to love.  To be the hands and feet of Christ without thinking twice.

Clearwater Beach, FL - 6/22/2018

Life gets crazy.  Lets be honest, life gets hard.  My Dad displayed an incredible amount of courage that day at the beach.  Trusting those lifeguards not to let him fall.  Trusting Susan and myself that he would get out on the beach.  Courage that will continue to help him propel through this fight against ALS.  I've been reminded through my Dad's journey to not lose hope.  To not lose joy.  I was reminded just today as Ben and I celebrated the life of a friend, that true joy is one of life's greatest gifts and will be passed down to impact so many people, without you even realizing it's happening.  True joy doesn't mean you're happy all the time or never have a bad day, it means you have hope.  You believe in something bigger than you and inside you have the feeling that no matter what happens in life, there is a reason to live and you are loved.

I know so many folks right now who are hurting and dealing with illness, grief, and hardships of some kind.  Friends - don't lose hope.  You are loved.  This earthly life is not all there is.  Don't waste your precious time here worrying about tomorrow.  Do you have a reason to live?

"If we look to God from our problems, we'd be able to look back at our problems and see something different." - Levi Lusko

Romans 15:13 -- May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.  (NIV)

Finding joy in the journey. <3

A Real Game Changer

Felt it was time to dust off the pages of this blog and bring some of my journal entries to life.  I heard this quote lately and it's been so strong resonating with me.

"Satan trembles when he sees the weakest saint upon their knees."

I've been convicted lately about my prayer life.  I listened to a sermon recently (from Idlewild Baptist Church in Lutz, FL) about prayer being a game changer.  In our lives as Christians, prayer is essential.  We are encouraged to come to God in prayer, through Christ, like we would talk to a friend in a conversation.  Do I come to prayer expecting that God will hear and answer?  I believe, if I'm honest, I come to prayer to check it off my list of things to do during the day.  I don't always come with a haste that God will do whatever it is that I am asking.  Prayer is about thanking God for who He is and asking in faith that if we knock at the door, He will indeed open that door (Matthew 7:7).  I believe God is always at work in our hearts and minds to build us and help us grow into the unique person He crafted us to be long before we were even born.

When my Dad was diagnosed with ALS/Lou-Gehrig's Disease on February 1st, it felt like the whole world shifted on it's axis and stopped.  I wondered, "how can people be happy right now, how can people keep doing stuff?"  It was like the world kept turning, despite the chill we had gotten when we received the news.  Since that time as things have progressed little by little with his disease, God has still been at work.  I know he has been at work in me.

God has reminded me first off that He hasn't gone anywhere.  That I haven't been forgotten.  That I am loved by Him.  I noticed that when a hospice patient of mine, out of the blue, looked me in the eye and said, "You know God can do anything but fail, right?"  She had no idea what was going on in my personal life, my job, my world, or the fact that I had just left a family member's funeral about 3 hours prior to her making that statement to me.  She, herself, is on hospice with a life expectancy estimated at six months or less, but she was sharing her faith with me.  I don't believe in coincidences and I believe it was a gift from God that I want to cherish.

God has also reminded me that I am enough.  Enough for Him.  It doesn't matter what expectations anyone or anything else has for me, knowing that in God's eyes I am enough, is calming. It doesn't ease the pain, it doesn't heal my Dad, it doesn't fix any troubles we have on this earthly world but it gives a peace inside that can only come from God.  I don't believe my Heavenly Father is out to make my life miserable. 

When you're going through tough times it can seem as if anything that anyone says is cold and without meaning.  It's difficult to find positives or blessings that could be waiting along the road if we stopped long enough to smell the roses.  But oftentimes God places gentle reminders right in front of us.  It could be through a random act of kindness, nature, music, family, or friends.  I've certainly been amazed looking back at how thoughtful the small things can really be.  So don't forget, no matter what you may be facing this very moment that God hasn't gone anywhere and that you are enough. 

I'm not 100% there yet but each moment is a new chance to continue working to get there.  I'm learning to simply be thankful, grateful, and blessed.  Do the same friends.  Life is such a gift. ❤