One Life to Love - Choosing to Begin Again

When I joined the Be the Match Registry almost four years ago, I never dreamed of the journey God would allow me to walk.  It has been nothing short of a miracle in my eyes and I'm thankful to God for providing me with it, to my family and friends, and to you for walking alongside of me.  You have laughed, cried, prayed, and encouraged me through my journey as a bone marrow donor.  When I donated stem cells on October 9, 2012, so many of you were on your knees praying for the recipient, her family, the doctors and nurses working with her, and you also prayed for me.  Since that day, so many of you have eagerly anticipated updates on my recipient's condition.  So have I.

Earlier this week I received news that I now want to share with you.  With a heavy, but peace-filled, heart I share that my recipient has died.  Of course I'm devastated to hear this news, but I choose to focus on the positive and the blessings in the midst.  I was told that due to the type of leukemia that my patient had, a bone marrow transplant was her only hope at survival.  Without the transplant she would surely die, but with it she may only live an additional three months.  Apparently my "sister" was a determined fighter, because she lived for a year post-transplant.  While I still do not know who she is, where she lived, what she did, etc., I do know that she lived for exactly as long as God intended her to live.  I may never know who she is or more about her story on this side of Heaven, and that is okay.

I would be lying if I told you I was "fine" with all of this.  I have had many spurts of sadness but also many spurts of sheer grace at the same time.  I shared with a friend that I felt as if I was walking through the death of a close family member or friend, and that a piece of me had died when I heard the news.  I shared that I didn't understand why I felt this way, because it wasn't like I knew this girl or anyone in her family.  I found comfort in my friend's words - "You had a connection with her that no one else did."  Words I believe God wanted me to hear at that exact time.

I am still amazed that I was able to donate stem cells and to be a part of the National Bone Marrow Donor Program's outreach.  I have been overwhelmed by the amount of support and hearing how many of you have joined the registry, asked for more information, or even shared a similar and much needed desire of donating blood.  Each of you have the potential to save lives and I will be honored to see where your unique journeys lead as well.

Flipping through the pages of the scrapbook that I made regarding my donation process, I've been filled with happiness and tears.  My desire from day one (April 25, 2012 - the day I appeared as a possible marrow match) was that the Lord would use me to change somebody else's destiny.  To be a part of somebody else's story.  Rereading my journal entries, I realize just how many lessons I have learned over the past couple of years.  I'll share a few of them with you.  They are a work in progress in my life.

1. God blesses us with life, every single day; I should not and cannot take it for granted.
2. I've learned to have strength in the face of adversity.
3. I've learned that sometimes the things that you can't change, end up changing you.
4. I've learned the importance of doing something for someone else, even if they have no means of repaying you for what you've done.
5. I've learned that my faith is bigger than any fear I have or will ever have in my life.

This has been a meaningful opportunity to say the least.  I had always envisioned getting to meet my recipient and her family and developing a friendship in the middle of this disease.  But life isn't always how we planned is it?  I am amazed at God's presence in my life throughout the past two years.  The people that have come into my life, those that have left this earth for a permanent home in Heaven, the joys, the struggles, the memories, and a chance at love, have all taught me that God has always had my best interest in mind.  He has your best interest in mind, too.  We don't always know how the future will work out, but we know who holds that future and that gives me such peace.  I hope you feel that peace too.

So friends, this particular journey has come to an end.  I may never know why, or how, or when, but maybe I'll be a match to someone else someday.  Maybe you will match a patient.  That's what is exciting about this life.  I am excited to see what is to come.  Sure, this is a tough pill to swallow but that doesn't mean my life will end here.  We only get one life to live, one life to love, one life to choose to see the "good" in every day.  What will you do with today?

Thank you all for your prayers, encouragement, and unending love throughout this process.  I do not regret any part of this journey and I am honored that God would allow me to be used in this way.  May we all embrace every moment of every day and live each and every moment to the fullest.  May we remember we only get one live to love.

"However I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me - the task of testifying to the good news of God's grace."

Acts 20:24 NIV

I choose to rest in God's arms and trust this is part of His plan for my life.  I don't understand all the pieces but I don't have to put the puzzle together.  Thankful for a faithful God even in the hardest times.

"In You I rest, in You I found my hope.

In You I trust, You never let me go.

I place my life within Your Hands alone.

Be still my soul."